Lemonade
by StarFixation
Summary: What happens when some of the Nishiura Boys discover some lemons about them on . Might be funny.
1. Chapter 1

**_Hey people this is me trying to be satirical. Kind of. i'm not saying that i disapprove of lemons, just that... well read on to find out._**

**_Also I and a mystery guest will make an appearance in this fic._**

**_I own nothing but the plot and term tajima uses to describe how most lemons go..._**

**_This is M for a reason people, even without smut._**

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**Lemonade**

"Tajima what are you doing?"

To think, an innocent question started something huge. Yuuichiro Tajima was sitting at a computer in on of the labs at the school during break one day. He thought he was going to be alone, but Hanai had seen him and dragged Abe along-who had to force Mihashi to stay in the classroom out of fear that Tajima was doing something indecent.

"Please tell me it isn't porn," Hanai sighed. "On a school computer no less!"

"No way Hanai," Tajima giggled (giggled?). "Strictly business, StarFix asked me to update his profile of ."

Hanai flinched. Everyone knew that it was beyond stupid to even _mention_ StarFix in Abe's presence. The catcher had a deep seated hatred of the writer beyond mean and measure. He couldn't stand how in all of his fics he was portrayed as someone secretly in love with Mihashi, but in denial.

Besides, his love for Mihashi was more platonic than anything.

"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HIM ANY FAVORS?!?!?!?!?" Abe demanded, almost pouncing on the clean-up.

Tajima shrugged, "It was either me or Mihashi, and he knows how much you hate 'Fix-kun'."

Tajima turned his attention back to the computer and quickly changed some profile information such as the location, the fics that were being cancelled (_**A/N: None, I swear!**_), and the polls.

"Done, done, done!" he exclaimed.

"Okay since you're finished, let's head back," Hanai suggested, fearful that something indecent was about to happen. He made his way to the door with Abe muttering various curses on StarFix behind him, hoping that Tajima would follow.

And of course he didn't.

"Guys, I found the section with fic about us!" Tajima exclaimed, pointing to the screen. Hanai realized that he had no control over what was about to happen so he decided to just let go and go with the flow.

"What kind do they have?" Hanai sighed.

"Hanai, are you insane?" Abe hissed. "Theses fans are probably as bad as StarFix!"

"They've got fantasy, funny, ooh and mature!" Tajima squealed, ignoring Abe's words. "Maybe they've got me getting some at last!"

And then the gates of hell broke loose. For the following twenty minutes the trio sat and sped read every M rated fic in the section. All twelve of them. Even Tajima was taken aback by what he saw. Never had the three of them seen so much (though you and I wouldn't consider it so much) yaoi in one place.

Once they were done Tajima, along with Hanai and Abe collapsed to the ground. The shock was obvious all were silent; they couldn't speak lest they remember what was read.

"I can't believe…" Hanai started to say. He couldn't express how he was feeling; confused, annoyed, distressed, disrespected, objectified, with a little bit of wounded pride mixed in.

Abe was sitting in a corner rocking back and forth in fetal position. Of the fics that they read most of them were him and Mihashi doing things that he never thought about doing with anyone. He was scared that he wouldn't be able to look his pitcher in the eye.

"Wow, it's like being a porn star and not even realizing it!" Tajima laughed. He didn't really think it was funny, but he wanted to diffuse the awkwardness in the room.

"We have to do something about this!" Hanai resolved, finally finding his words.

"Does anyone else think that none of those fics made sense?" Abe whispered to the wall. He turned slowly to face his teammates.

"What do you mean?" Hanai implored. Abe looked away; it was hard to maintain eye contact.

"Well, don't you think it was odd how experienced we all were, even though two thirds of the people in this room are virgins?" Abe sighed.

"Hey I take offense to that!" Tajima exclaimed. "Just because I'm nasty doesn't make me a… a…"

"Man-whore," Hanai suggested.

"Yeah that!"

Abe bowed his head in apology, and continued to list some other things in the fics that made no real sense.

"Like the convenient placement of the l-l-l," Abe stuttered, unable to say that word either.

"Yeah," Tajima agreed. "Like in that one where me and Hanai do it in the locker room shower some how I pull out a tube of strawberry flavored lube from my bag!"

"Aren't you allergic to strawberries?" Hanai asked.

"Damn straight and how do my fangirls not know that?" (_**A/N: Tajima isn't really allergic to strawberries**_) the cleanup huffed.

A level of the awkwardness passed so there was a feeling in the air that someone else add something.

"Or how it just went perfectly," Hanai added.

"Or how there was no awkwardness during or before?" Tajima suggested so that he could say something too. "I mean we were all so ready to just suck and fuck."

"Did no one else notice that in almost all of them there is oral sex of some kind?" Abe gasped.

"Again, why was there no awkwardness?" Hanai wondered. "I mean even in the fics it was our first time doing it, so shouldn't we have hesitated a little?"

"Because the authors didn't want to write us wondering if we really wanted to do it, that's the whole point of lemons. Pure smut," Tajima sighed.

The three of them sat for a moment when Tajima asked for Abe's cell phone.

"What do you need it for?"

"I'm calling StarFix!"

Abe handed it over without any protest, which made Hanai gasp. Of course the other two ignored his; this was no time for them to be acting like they normally would.

"StarFix? Yeah, we need you over here…" Tajima said into the mouth piece pausing ever other second. "Yeah, we kinda read some of the M rated fics from our section…"

"No, he didn't read them too, and we'll keep this strictly a secret…"

It didn't take an idiot to figure that StarFix had asked if Mihashi had seen the porn-y fics too. Abe shuddered to think what would happen if Mihashi had seen them.

"Just get here quick man…"

The clean up hung up the phone and tossed it back to the catcher who implored with his eyes to find out what had been said.

"StarFix will be here in a second with a friend of his to take care of this," Tajima explained.

Once more awkward silence stretched over them.

"You know what else I don't get?" Hanai asked, hoping what he said next wouldn't make things more awkward.

"What?"

"In every one with me and Tajima he topped, what was that about?" Hanai exhaled. The moment he did, however, he wondered if it would have been funnier if it had come out of Tajima's mouth.

"You know you're right," Abe snickered. "Why on earth would all theses fan-girls/boys think that you are his bitch?"

Tajima reddened, "Hey it does too make sense!"

"How so Tajima, Hanai I bigger than you?" Abe scoffed.

"Well I'll bet he isn't where it really counts!" Tajima laughed.

The three distracted themselves talking about all the funny things they notice in all the fics such as an Abe/Haruna/Mizutani pairing, a Sakaeguchi x Hanai make out scene, and a dominatrix Mihashi.

"Wow, when you really think about it these lemons are actually kind of funny!" StarFix chuckled.

The three of baseball players turned their necks to the window to see StarFix sitting there with a blonde girl who looked very familiar.

"Hey guys, sorry I'm late, but I had to pick up Naminé on the way to fix you problem," StarFix bowed.

"and how exactly is she going to fix our problem?" Abe scoffed.

"OH MY GOD I REMEMBER YOU FROM KINGDOM HEARTS!!!!!" Tajima exclaimed. Then he frowned, "You're going to erase our memory!"

Naminé and StarFix nodded, "It'll be better if we make you all forget."

"But that doesn't stop all those fans from posting that stuff about us!" Abe shouted.

"Nope, but it's all I can do since I cannot force every naughty minded fans to stop." StarFix explained. "Unless you think you can handle remembering all of what you saw…"

"I'd rather than remember than forget you can't do anything!" Abe grunted.

"Me too" Tajima and Hanai agreed.

StarFix shrugged, "So be it, but if you need help you know how to reach me."

And with that StarFix and Naminé were gone, and the trio felt a little bit more at ease with everything.

*** **_Much, much later..._**

It was a day off when one day Mihashi decided to check out for the first time…

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**_Okay now review!_**

**_I might even write a sequel of sorts, but that might be non-smut related..._**

**_Who knows, drop me a line in review form people._**

**_StarFix out!_**


	2. Chapter 2

**_Well thanks to Rice-san, I actually decided to keep this going insted of it being a one-shot!_**

**_Remember that this is all satire, even though this chapter isn't really that funny..._**

**_Enjoy anyway!_**

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**Confusion**

Abe couldn't figure out why, but for some reason it seemed that Mihashi was acting a little bit strange. Though considering his normal behavior… well, it stranger than normal at least.

For example when he saw his pitcher at the usual time before morning practice…

"Hey Mihashi," he nodded.

Mihashi jumped ten feet out of his skin, "A-A-Abe-kun! I didn't… there… um… hi!"

Abe frowned, "Are you okay man?"

He reached out his hand to check Mihashi's temperature, but the pitcher half screamed as if he were about to be raped.

"N-n-no I mean yes, I mean… bye!"

And Mihashi took off running. At first Abe wondered what he could have done to scared his friend.

Did he growl? No, he had actually spoken softly, so that couldn't be it.

Did he scowl too hard? No, he had his usual blasé look that was close to a frown, but wasn't. That definitely couldn't be it either.

Wait what if someone _else_ had said something? What if one of his d-bag old teammates had gotten to him somehow and made him feel like he was nothing again?

That was fairly likely. Abe couldn't believe that the apology from the practice game was real, it seemed too… rehearsed.

Abe quickly pulled out his phone and dialed a number that he never thought he would have to call.

"StarFix?" he grunted into the receiver instead of the usual hello.

"Abominable curses abound! Abe is that you?" the writer answered.

He was surprised; _everyone_ knew how much Abe hated the writer. In fact StarFix braced himself to be subjected to some kind of verbal lashing.

"I need a phone number." Abe sighed.

"Huh? Don't you want to yell at me for some obscure reason?" StarFix gasped.

The writer could hear silence on the other end and his curiosity began to rise. It wasn't every day that people who hated him called for help.

"It's just that there's a problem…"

"Does it have anything to do with the events of yesterday?" StarFix interrupted.

"Hell no, I just need to call Kanou," Abe replied, cringing at the idea of what had happened 'yesterday'.

He, Tajima, and Hanai had accidentally stumbled upon the mature fic section of and read all twelve of the smuttiest lemons about themselves in creations. By time they were finished Tajima called StarFix for help and the only solution he could offer was to make them forget.

They chose to remember.

"Calling Kanou," StarFix murmured sarcastically. "There nothing suspicious about that."

Before Abe could protest and tell the real reason the writer rattled off the phone number and hung up.

Abe quickly dialed the number without regard for the one he was calling's sleep habits. He needed answers and he needed them now dammit!

"Hello?" a groggy voice answered. Even half asleep he still sounded like the same moderately arrogant Shugo Kanou.

"Kanou?" Abe growled.

He was no longer interested in answers, he was out for blood. Anyone who messed with Mihashi deserved death by his hands, and if he could figure out to jump through the phone he would be laying some sweet justice on the bastard.

"Who is this and why are you calling me?" Kanou murmured.

Even half asleep he was moderately arrogant enough to be ready to kick a dude in the balls for no real reason.

"This is Takaya Abe and I need you to get your team to stop bullying Mihashi!" Abe shouted. The quiet of the field in and of itself boosted the loudness overall. It was a miracle that Mihashi (or anyone else for that matter) hadn't heard him.

"Whoa, calm down man," Kanou shot back. "You mean Ren-Ren? We haven't been bullying him I thought you were!"

"What do you mean by that?" Abe demanded. He wasn't ready to have his whole rage turned back on him, and in fact it could have been a trick.

"I called to check in on him yesterday and he was scared to talk to me," Kanou began. "He kept murmuring 'abe-kun, Tajima-kun, Hanai-san'. When I tried to get him to say more he hung up on me!"

"But we haven't been bullying him!" Abe insisted, wondering why Hanai was 'Hanai-san'.

"No one here has been either, so maybe it's something a little closer to home anyways," Kanou sighed as he hung up the phone.

***

Later that day at break Abe decided to deliver his observations to Tajima and Hanai. According to what he saw at practice Mihashi wasn't just oddly afraid of only him, but everyone (Shino'oka included, but Momoe excluded).

"Yeah, I asked him if he was 'off schedule'," Tajima sighed making an obvious innuendo. "and he actually ran away from me!"

"Any normal person would have run from you," Hanai sighed.

He had hoped that some of the perversion constantly on Tajima's mind would cease after the adventure they had the previous day.

"But this is Mihashi we're talking about!" Abe exclaimed.

"Yeah, normally he would have just blushed and called abe or Sakaeguchi," Tajima added, silently wondering what he could have done to scare Mihashi.

Normally all of his antics just rolled of the pitcher's shoulders, but obviously something was deeper than all that.

"But you know what's really weird?" Hanai asked.

"What's really weird?" the other two replied.

"That when I said hi to him this morning he started talking about fics," Hanai whispered.

The other two didn't have to say anything, they knew exactly what he meant and they all knew how bad it would be if Mihashi had read them too.

"Well, what do we do?" Tajima whispered.

All of his exuberance evaporated. No matter how perverted he was he thought that Mihashi needed to stay the innocent one for the most part, and those fics could damage his psyche.

"What the hell do you think we need to do?" Abe huffed. "We need erase his memory of it all!"

"Actually we should find out if he read them at all," Hanai suggested, shaking his head. "I mean what if it's a normal problem?"

"Normal problem or not, how can we find out if he's too scared to talk to anyone?" Abe groaned.

Silence fell over the trio.

"Wait, I know just who to get him to talk!" Tajima exclaimed thrusting his phone in the air.

Abe just put his head in his hands; there was way too much StarFix in his life lately.

***

StarFix arrived once more at Nishiura High School with Naminé. This time, however, he had the memory witch hide.

"Okay, so where is our boy?" StarFix asked.

"Tajima has him cornered in an empty classroom," Hanai said, then wondered if that was the smartest plan that he had ever made.

"Just get me to him,"

So the group made their way through the halls with haste. When they reached the classroom Mihashi was hiding under a desk from Tajima.

"F-fix-kun, help me!" he sobbed.

StarFix crouched down to look eye to eye with Mihashi, "Why do you need me to help you, your friends are really worried."

"But they're mad at me!" he shouted.

"huh?"

"I w-went on last night to see if you updated Colossu-rella (_**A/N: A single chapter fic, but for this it has 24 and is incredibly funny**_) but then I went to our section…" Mihashi began.

"Then what happened?"

"I saw… something called Citrus Galore and opened it…"

Abe, Tajima, and Hanai all remembered that one. In it almost every member of the Nishiura baseball team and Mihashi has a…naught escapade of sorts. Even worse it was all one chapter.

"Ren-kun, it's fine to feel weird that your fan-girls wrote that-" StarFix began.

"But if I weren't so me they wouldn't have written those fics with you guys doing those things to me…" he whispered.

…

"WHAT?" everyone exclaimed.

"It, it's my fault?" Mihashi whimpered.

"Yeah, no it's not," StarFix assured him. "Those fans wrote all that because they want to write out their fantasy pairings doing…the nasty with each other gratuitously."

"Wha?"

"Gratuitously means given without payment or obligation," Hanai explained.

"Yeah, that…" StarFix murmured. "But if you want, I can help you get someone to erase you memory…"

"Y-yes please," Mihashi nodded.

StarFix guided him out of the room leaving the three alone.

"Quick question guys," Abe asked. "Didn't we have to actually turn on the mature settings to find the lemons?"

"Yeah…" Tajima said catching on. "Oh my gosh Mihashi's a pervert!"

"_Or _someone deliberately published an M fic and put it on with the other ones." Hanai suggested.

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_**Ooh a cliffhanger. whatever will happen next?**_

**_Review!_**


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